so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I want to fling myself into the sun
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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