I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's never too late to be topless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
