I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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