Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
