Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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