Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
