i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
