Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
