Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
