xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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