I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
