had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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