omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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