I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize