If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
