I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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