is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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