I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
