I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
