where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
