I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize