just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
