Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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