Umm I'm too high to move.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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