are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
