i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
