do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
