the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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