At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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