I just cut my nipple shaving
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
