I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
