i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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