Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
