a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
