Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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