I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
