is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
