Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
