Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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