Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Are we still banned from the library?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
