i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
