a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
