He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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