totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize