i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
