i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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