i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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