Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have post one night stand depression
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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