remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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