Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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