He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
