a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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