Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
