i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think i have herpe
just one?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
