I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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