He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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