oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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