Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
