your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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