that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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