i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
