I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
